Interviews, Part the Third

[flwyd]

dilemma asked five questions which I answered rather verbosely. Question 3 is probably not work-safe and may be TMI.

Amber called her uncle, said "We're up here for the holiday
Jane and I were having Solstice, now we need a place to stay"
And her Christ-loving uncle watched his wife hang Mary on a tree
He watched his son hang candy canes all made with red dye number three
He told his niece, "It's Christmas eve, I know our life is not your style"
She said, "Christmas is like Solstice, and we miss you and it's been awhile"

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able
And just before the meal was served, hands were held and prayers were said
Sending hope for peace on earth to all their gods and goddesses

The food was great, the tree plugged in, the meal had gone without a hitch
Till Timmy turned to Amber and said, "Is it true that you're a witch?"
His mom jumped up and said, "The pies are burning," and she hit the kitchen
And it was Jane who spoke, she said, "It's true, your cousin's not a Christian"
"But we love trees, we love the snow, the friends we have, the world we share
And you find magic from your God, and we find magic everywhere"

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able
And where does magic come from, I think magic's in the learning
Cause now when Christians sit with Pagans only pumpkin pies are burning

When Amber tried to do the dishes, her aunt said, "Really, no, don't bother"
Amber's uncle saw how Amber looked like Tim and like her father
He thought about his brother, how they hadn't spoken in a year
He thought he'd call him up and say, "It's Christmas and your daughter's here"
He thought of fathers, sons and brothers, saw his own son tug his sleeve saying
"Can I be a Pagan?" Dad said, "We'll discuss it when they leave"

So the Christians and the Pagans sat together at the table
Finding faith and common ground the best that they were able
Lighting trees in darkness, learning new ways from the old, and
Making sense of history and drawing warmth out of the cold


-- Dar Williams, "The Christians and the Pagans"

1) Why aren't you a Christian? No, really.

This question is superficially similar to "Why aren't you a Muslim?" or "Why aren't you a Zoroastrian?" But in America, a person's reason for not being Christian is likely more interesting than why they aren't a Confucian.

The simplest answer is that my parents aren't practicing Christians. They went to church as kids, but gave it up by the time they got to college. My dad read my brother and I parts of the Bible as bedtime stories so that we could better understand Western Literature (we'd just finished Huckleberry Finn). I've been to church a few times for cultural reasons (they play bagpipes on St. Andrew's Day, for instance); the first time I partook of the Body of Christ was at a Techno Cosmic Mass. Counting hymnals, worship books, and the Book of Mormon, my house contains at least 16 Christian holy texts, most of which we inherited. So in a sense, I'm not a Christian for the same reason I'm not a Jew -- I wasn't born into the tradition, but I can appreciate its cultural phenomena.

I have more philosophical reasons, though. Arguments for Christianity seem to have believability inversely proportional to the typical Christian interpretation. For instance, the most reasonable construction of the design argument describes a Being which shares little with the prime mover in the Bible, while arguments for people's pet Biblical interpretation either disagree with basic facts, other parts of the Bible, or both. So in a sense, I'm not Christian because Christians haven't presented a good argument.

I have aesthetic reasons, too. I spent the other day working out mnemonics, diagrams, and associations for I Ching n-grams of varying bit lengths. I get really excited about a world view which breaks things up into powers of two. Christianity, on the other hand, has two fundamental numbers -- 1 and 3. While both of those are neat numbers, I feel 2 and 4 must also be celebrated, not to mention a host of others. Beyond numbers, the mythology is impoverished. There's a father/ruler figure. The Catholics present a mother figure, but a mother that didn't have sex. There's a redeemer figure. And there's a guy who's about weakness and power and corruption. But all the rest of the stories are about ordinary people. Outside of Gnostic Christianity there isn't as powerful a mother as I'd like. There's no benign trickster. There's no grandmother figure. There's no great conflict between mythological entities -- just between Men and Temptation; that is, between a man and himself. Perhaps most importantly, there's no sense of Place. I feel connection to landscapes, to cities, to bends in the stream, to wide spaces, to stunning vistas. Most religions in the history of the world describe the environment as a very living entity, where location has power. Only one place matters in Christianity, and it ain't on Earth.

However, the main reason I'm Pagan, rather than Christian or nonreligious, is the real-world benefit being Pagan brings me. Despite being wrong, many people benefit by being Christian. Most importantly, it connects them with their community. And while I've enjoyed playing party games and attending barbecues with Christians, I get a much deeper social value by practicing twice a month with eight other people. We all know each other very well, can support each other, and share similar, but by no means identical, ideas about the world.

Doing Pagan rituals -- everything from dancing around a fire to undertaking a journey into the soul to throwing string silently around a room to having others do sensual things for us -- helps my nonrational mind attune with myself and the world around me. Sitting on a hard bench on a Sunday morning listening to someone give their interpretation of a book of mythology, geneology, history, and law used by a nomadic Mediterranean desert tribe doesn't sound as beneficial.

Finally, I think I can be more value to Christians by not being one. By bringing perspectives on God, Christ, ethics, and the like that are not conditioned on all the baggage of 2,000 years, I can shed new light on things. By not fearing sacrelige, I can become Jesus -- I would love to do a travelling one-man show. By telling people "Actually, I'm a Pagan" when they ask me if I want to join their Bible Study group gives them a chance to learn about practicing religion by playfully exploring the world's wealth of ideas and letting the spirit express itself. By being Pagan I get all this without sacrificing one iota of what I've learned and deduced from science, philosophy, and all the rest. Paganism is an inclusive practice. So in a sense, I'm not Christian because I think Paganism is better for me.

There is, however, a sense in which I am Christian. I believe that Jesus Christ died for everyone's sins (which, I have been told, makes one a Christian). I believe he was the son of god just as I am the son of god, and that he laid down his life so that people would recognize what (he thought) matters. The world would be a much different place had Christ not been killed. While Christianity has had many negative impacts on the world, Christ's teachings of love, compassion, and anti-egoism have been (probably) beneficial. So in a sense, I am a Christian because I think Christ had some good things to say, for Paganism doesn't say "You can only fill in one bubble on the Scanatron." I'm just not as much of a Christian as I am an existentialist, a consequentialist, a Taoist, a Wiccan, a materialist (in terms of philosophy of mind), or a communalist. When you live in New York, you can eat Asian food, Latin American food, African food, European food, or good ol' American Twinkies. As an eclectic Pagan, I can visit any resteraunt of the spirit or I can go shopping and work up the ritual equivalent of a Dagwood sandwitch.

2) Where are you from? Interpret as broadly as possible.

I am from my home.

• I am from Boulder, a place where unique people develop
• I am from Colorado, a land of good (if thin) air, safe mountains, lots of sun, reasonable temperatures, few pests, 52 mountains above 14,000 feet, scads of sports fans and outdoor enthusiasts, and lots of hard-line Christians.
• I am from the United States of America, a country of open spaces and closed minds, a land of immense power and resource, a country that absorbs the cultures of its repressed people, a place that's really good, but thinks it's even better.
• I am from the Earth, a planet in the right place at the right time. A rare home for life, a localization of decreasing entropy, a place where small changes create big effects, a place all humans call home.

I am from my parents and their ancestors.

• I am from a family that reads a lot and knows even more; a family that fosters creative development.
• I am from Wales, home of the hairiest race on the planet.
• I am from England, source of the Lingua Franca of the world.
• I am from Scotland, a land with fierce spirit despite subjugation.
• I am from Ireland, a place where ancient power shines through surface changes.
• I am from Norway and Sweden, a place where extremes and moderation walk hand in hand.

I am from the public school system.

• I am from Uni Hill Elementary, a place where 1st graders know more about ecology than most adults, play is encouraged, and spelling isn't a big deal.
• I am from New Vista High School, a place of self-directed learning, personal development, Socratic seminars, and project-based math.
• I am from The University of Colorado, a second-tier school where I've learned how to instruct computers, how to express ideas, and how to talk to people.

3) What was your first sexual experience like?

Warning: graphic. You have my permission to skip to #4.

I was about 12 and discovered it felt good to rub my erect penis against my mattress.

...

I was 21 and was spending the night with a girl I'd been going out with for a week or so. She had been surprised when I said I hadn't had sex before; she'd been having sex since she was 14. I'd said I didn't know whether I wanted to have sex or not. I wasn't often very decisive while I was going out with her.

We were in bed together, hugging and kissing and rubbing skin. She put my penis inside her vagina and I moved a little. She whispered "Is this okay?" If she'd asked before acting, I probably would've said "no," but since I was already inside, it seemed I was officially no longer a virgin, so stopping wouldn't mean much.

I wriggled around , learning what motions worked and didn't. After a minute or two I came inside her. I knew in my mind that using a condom was a very good idea, but like I said -- I wasn't particularly decisive, and she was in a position of experience. She was very in touch with her body and cycles. We often had sex without a condom, but used one when she was fertile.

After I came and went limp, we cuddled and asked me what I thought. I said it felt different than I'd expected. The vagina seemed very textured but also softer and squishier than I'd anticipated. It wasn't the totally awesome mind-blowing experience some people make it out to be, especially since it was so short.

Over time, she expressed disappointment in the fact that I wasn't very sexually aggressive, that I come really fast, that I wasn't very muscled, and just average length. Some of those I mind more than others. Largely, I didn't (and maybe still don't) know what I want sexually, other than to experience a close and sensual embrace. The fact that I come really quickly makes me tepid about seeking sex, since it wouldn't last long enough to be worth much effort. The fact that I haven't gone out with anyone since that time has very little to do with this and more due to the fact that during school I haven't felt I'd be able to devote enough attention to a girl to warrant being in a relationship. Plus the fact that I haven't met anyone that I've gotten very interested in.

In the end, I'm not a huge fan of sex. Lots of the things I do are more fun, last longer, and can be done without complicated interpersonal relations. I find hugging, kissing, and otherwise eliciting nongenital tactile pleasure to be on the whole more enjoyable than sex (intercourse, oral, or manual). I would like to improve my stamina and technique, but that takes practice which takes a partner which takes starting with sub-par sex. But since I can be satisfied through other means, it's not such a bad thing.

4) There are a lot of lyrical quotes in your LJ, so they have to mean something. What does music mean to you?

They don't have to mean anything. I could post dense lyrics for no particular reason just to befuddle my readers. But I usually select a song that's thematically related to my entry. So when I'm writing about war, I'll include lyrics to a war song; when I'm writing about love, I'll find a love song that expresses some of what I feel. The song to the right, for instance, ties in with question 1. It's sort of like a soundtrack to the documentary that is my journal.

Music's a big part of my household -- my dad owns and operates a recording studio out of our converted garage. He ends up conversing with the band members (most of whom he's known for years) whenever we go to a concert. We also have KGNU on most of the time, so we get exposed to a lot of diverse music.

Music helps me think and work. If I'm doing homework, I'll put on some music. If I'm reading, I'll put on some music. If I'm in some sort of mood, I usually get an appropriate song stuck in my head and need to play it. If I'm in my room and it's silent, I usually find that I can't focus.

Many years ago I declared that I like music which is either literally psychedelic (mind-opening) or that evolved culturally rather than commercially. My library therefore ranges from Gregorian chant to trip hop, folk to heavy metal, (old-time) country to funk, Afro Celt Soundsystem to Tuvan Throat Singers with the Bulgarian Women's Choir. I especially like music which forces me to move (the music of Cape Verde, for instance) or which combines words and sounds to form a perfect environment (Pink Floyd, say).

5) Why do you have an LJ?

mlechan introduced me to it two years and a few days ago, and a large reason I have a LiveJournal is so I can read my friends page. Every time I come up with a pun my mom tells me I need to write it down, and it's a convenient place to store my ideas and musings for later perusal.

By posting in a public journal and being brutally open with the world, I allow the anonymous Theyself to stare back at me, scrutinizing my actions and thoughts. If I hesitate in sharing something important in a forum available to all who care to look, I must question whether I should or do believe it, or if there are hidden issues I must work out. I've yet to make a friends-only or personal post, and I share everything I think is relevant (as shown by question 3). And by writing it all down, I can check later personal exaggerations. "I haven't always believed this cool idea; this entry proves differently."

I also use LiveJournal as something of an Open Source Living project. I follow the journals of at least 8 people I found more or less randomly (interest searches and the like). Another five or so are people I met on IRC but never in person, and another handfull I've only met once or twice. But I periodically learn how they're facing their challenges, what they find worth pursuing, what bothers them, and so forth. I've learned a lot about how other people think and live.

I'm thinking about setting up a RSS client and finding some blogs to follow as well. I might even start a separate blog, who knows. Journals are typically more inward-directed, while blogs are usually about the world.

12amcocktail asked some questions that didn't take so long to answer.

1) You are one thing for a day: a person, a place, an object, a thought, a feeling, an idea, whatever you like. What are you? Why?

I am a planetary magnetic field. Because that would be such a different experience than what I now. (Anthropromorphizing a little, of course, because magnetic fields don't feel anything, lacking sense receptors.)

2) You have the ability to change one thing, anywhere, anyplace, anytime, in the entire world. What do you change?

It's tough to pick anything, because people have done so many good things in response to all of the bad things that have happened. The things I'd want to change are patterns rather than single things -- drastically reduce the missionary tendancies of Christianity, for instance, to preserve ethnic religion. If I'm picking just one event, I suppose I'll reverse the 2000 U.S. presidential election Supreme Court decision. It's recent enough that not too much history would change, and most of that change would be for the better.

3) Fifty years from now, your name is in the history books. What are you known for?

"Libra - Fifty years from now, your name will be in the history books. Unfortunately, it will be for being the first person to die from sucking on a pipe cleaner." That sounds like an Onion horoscope.

Seriously, it might be for coming up with some cool computer science method. Or it might be for sharing Paganism with the country. While it's hard to predict what you'll do with your life, it's even harder to predict what people will say about you. How much did Nikolai Tesla anticipate his place in the history books?

4) You are presented with an orange, a pen without any ink, a used sponge, and a rubber chicken. You must make these things into one coherent work of art. Make it and explain it.

A rubber chicken
Sits upon a large orange
Nothing will hatch here

Wipe the counter top
The sponge leaks black, stains my hand
Must be pen's heaven

Haiku defy explanation.

5) Pick five verbs, preferably action verbs, that describe you and explain them.

This is an interesting question because action verbs usually don't describe a noun; adjectives do. Never mind, though:

Play.

Play describes most of what I do. I play with ideas. I play with computers. I play with words. I dress playfully. My religious practice is based on play.

Be.

English teachers complain that conjugations of to be are not action verbs. But the infinitive itself is very active. The chief concern of existentialists is what it is for a person to Be. I Am.

Loaf.

I love laziness. I love sitting around with nothing to do, whether it's sitting by a stream or lying in my hammock.

Question.

I try to question everything someone puts forth as true. I love playing devil's advocate. I rarely accept the way everyone else does it at face value.

Float.

I rarely put too much effort into where I'm going. I let things come up and deal with them all in due course. My magical name is Floating Raven -- a lazy trickster, a playful fellow along for a ride.

The Shower Meme is the Meme that Keeps On Giving. You can partake of it many times, each with new information conveyed. It's a true meme because when a person partakes in it, he becomes an active participant in the meme's spread. So, if you would like to be interviewed, just ask and I'll send you five questions.

Posts about my recent life and cinematic adventures may come in the next few days.

Comments

[coyotegoth.livejournal.com]

...asking for questions, please :)

[flwyd.livejournal.com]

1) Which do you think are some of the best overlooked films? That is, films which are very good, but not as well known as they should.

2) Following your coyote senses, suppose you visit the mountains of the west. Where would you go and what would you try to find?

3) Suppose someone was to visit New York City for a few days and wanted to get as complete a picture of the city as possible. They aren't just interested in the popular tourist spots, but also the everyday people and places that make up the city. Where should they go, what should they do, and when should they come?

4) Lots of people have asked about the first part of your username, but how does "goth" play into your identity? Do you consider yourself a goth? What's your outlook on life?

5) What shower meme question do you wish someone had asked?

[flwyd.livejournal.com]

Oops. I'd meant to ask this question, and then forgot by the time I sat down to type them out. You can do it as a sixth question or drop one of the six.

6) What was it like to be a teenager in the '80s?

Neat

[altamira16.livejournal.com]

For a long time, I did not recognize the lyrics you posted. Today, I did. :)
You give many fun answers.

[slyviolet.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I adore you.

Shower Meme

[blazingsun.livejournal.com]

Will you ask me questions too? I'll answer your questions if you do and offer to ask other people questions.