If It's An Obligation Is It Really A Gift?

[flwyd]

I added tongodeon as a friend because he created the Red Meat Constructor Set, but his journal is regularly full of insightful political and social commentary and well-written amusing anecdotes.

His views on holiday shopping are quite similar to mine.

Nobody should feel obliged for social or personal reasons to give me a gift. If you would like to do something nice for me, invite me over for tea and games. If you have money you would like to spend so that I will appreciate your generosity, make a donation to KGNU, ACLU, EFF, WikiMedia, or an open source project of your choice. If you find an object you know I would appreciate owning, I thank you for your generosity.

If I don't give you a gift it's because I didn't know what you could use and/or figured you could use the resources you would ordinarily expend in acquiring a gift for me could be more efficiently be used by you to get something you actually need.

If you would like a winter holiday-themed physical greeting from me, provide your postal address and which winter occasion you most enjoy celebrating. (I'm leaving comments public on this post, so if you don't want stalkers to find you, send your address to tstone (a) trevorstone.org.)

I make an exception for white elephants in which everyone finds something they already own, have fun wrapping it, have fun watching other people unwrap it, have fun stealing presents, and go home with an object they don't need but can appreciate (at least ironically).

Comments

[murasaki-suki.livejournal.com]

Presents are why I hate Christmas. My family is ultra low key on the whole present thing. Maybe one or two useful things. Last year I made a killing (relatively speaking) because my grandmother gave me three bamboo cutting boards and my mom gave me dish towels she'd made.

The other side of the family EXPECTS one gift per person. That's not one gift per family unit, or even one gift for mom and dad and then stuff for the tykes, it's one gift for everyone! It's expensive or time consuming to make stuff for everyone.

I agree with you: resources should be spent better, theirs and mine. Likewise, I'll save you the 37 cents plus card, and you can know that I'm enjoying reading your LJ and having a slightly happier winter season because of it.

[maiden-midwife.livejournal.com]

I like your view on this.

I did so enjoy the postcard you sent me from Norway. I am excited to see what nifty little Yule greeting you might like to send me. My postal address will be sent to your email from but.an.egg(a)gmail.com.

[aquariusrhimme.livejournal.com]

I need your address so I can send you card, not that I have to give you card but because I want to whether you like it or not. :)

[billingb.livejournal.com]

Although it is a less then perfect solution my family is pretty good about providing gift lists. This works well because the stuff I get is stuff I want, and the only gifts I receive that are not on my list are things that people know I will want.

I do still hate how it is a requirement on one hand but also love the joy of giving a gift to someone that they really enjoy/appreciate. I have gotten many items in the past that I never knew I wanted but that I really like having.

Now that I am starting shopping I do wish I could find some items that I know will get used for those people I never know what to do about. Still in my family anything is usually appreciated so I can get my step-father golf balls and he will be happy (and use them up). Christmas has always been a big deal in my family (larger then in other families) but the family gathering is the most important part to me. This year my brother will be home for Christmas for the first time in a while (can't remember how long, at least 1 year but I think 2 or 3). I am very excited.

I have received gifts from a certain person in the past who really likes to buy expensive items but some of those things have been things I didn't really want. This is the part of Christmas I do not like. The rest of my gift givers are generally good at not wasting money. I think some people really like impulse buying and spending money and that makes me uncomfortable as a gift receiver because I have different value and ideas around money and how it should be spent.