On Etiquette

[flwyd]

Out of curiosity, in planning a wedding:

The groom's best friend is a woman, the bride's best friend is a man. Who gets to be the best man and who gets to be the maid of honor? And if the woman is on the groom's side and the man on the bride's side, what are the proper titles? Best woman and lad of honor?

A drag queen is a mutual friend of the couple. On which side does he stand, and what's the proper attire?

It's not that I'm concerned about following etiquette (or that I'm planning a wedding). It's just that I like to know when I'm violating social norms.

Comments

[shadowpryde.livejournal.com]

Alright ... having been working on/with weddings for quite a long time now d) all of the above are outside social norms and therefore 'violating' them.

Now, having stated that, fuck social norms. In most situations where these questions would arise you're dealing with fairly hip people to begin with. When it comes down to it, it's the bride and groom's day, whatever they say goes. (Even if it does cause Aunt Betty Lou and Great-Grandma to do more than raise an eyebrow.) If a bride and/or groom is really concerned about a relative's reaction they'll either a) set them up with the information ahead of time and deal with the blow up there or b) set a good friend the task of 'handling' the relative should there be any signs of them getting out of hand at the wedding and making a scene about it.

In the case of female best friend to male and/or male best friend to female I've seen it done a couple of different ways. I did one ceremony where we had a maid of honor and a best woman. I've seen ceremonies where the titles remained the same, though the man did get some funny looks. There's also been one's where you've had best woman and groomsman of honor.

When breaking down to the attendants, i.e. the bridesmaids and groomsmen, it's a slightly different choice there. What people frequently do (and what Robert and I had originally chosen to do, though there was some shuffling at the last minute and we said screw it) is to say to their prospective spouses, I'd really like person x, y, and z in the wedding party and you'd like a, b, and c in the wedding party ... why don't, for propriety's sake, you have x stand on your side with b and c and I'll take a along with y and z. However, if you're adamant or there really isn't any sort of relationship between the prospective spouse and the prospective attendant, then it's best to go with the old standby of bride's attendants and groom's attendants.

As for the drag queen question, he stands on the side of whoever asked him first (or whoever bargained well enough to have him on their side) and as far as attire goes, whatever's going to make the couple comfortable. This might be the one day of the year that he goes in male clothing or he might dress in the very lovely bridesmaid's dress and put the rest of them to shame. Again, this is all to the comfort level of the soon-to-be-married couple.

Hope that helped. When it comes to these sorts of things, there's tons and tons of choices. It all comes down to what makes the bride and groom happy and how much flak they're willing to take (or would even get) from who they're inviting.

-Draconis Leona-