Inverse Shadenfrude

[flwyd]

This girl I know needs some shelter
She don't believe anyone can help her
She's doing so much harm, doing so much damage
But you don't want to get involved
You tell her she can manage
And you can't change the way she feels
But you could put your arms around her

I know you want to live yourself
But could you forgive yourself
If you left her just the way
You found her

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

You're a boy and I'm a girl
But you know you can lean on me
And I don't have no fear
I'll take on any man here
Who says that's not the way it should be

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

She's a girl and you're a boy
Sometimes you look so small, look so small
You've got a baby of your own
When your baby's gone, she'll be the one
To catch you when you fall

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

You're a girl and i'm a boy [x4]

Sometimes you look so small, need some shelter
Just runnin' round and round, helter skelter
And I've leaned on me for years
Now you can lean on me
And that's more than love, that's the way it should be
Now I can't change the way you feel
But I can put my arms around you
That's just part of the deal
That's the way I feel
I'll put my arms around you

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
Protection

You're a boy and i'm a girl [x4]

-- Massive Attack, "Protection"

Nichole (my homeless teen Pagan friend) called me this evening, sobbing. She'd decided to go back home (or at least a close approximation). She was fed up with all of the problems of living on the streets -- lingering sickness, disrespectful yuppies, lack of good food, no showers, losing all her clothes... I gave her several big hugs and she let it all out. I brought her back to campus and had dinner with her. She's learned a lot, and had a lot of powerful and valuable experiences. Despite all the problems, she's enjoyed the freedom.

This is really the same sort of existential rebellion that most teenagers go through. Hers is just a little more extreme than some. But she hit the breaking point before things got too bad (and hopefully they're still reversable). I think she'll be able to attack life's challenges with new fervor. She intends to get a job, an apartment, and three black cats. I couldn't approve more :-)

Her most important move is leaving her boyfriend. She says she still loves him, but she recognizes that she can't be in a healthy relationship with him. I couldn't agree more -- Aria, Andy, and I sensed that he was the biggest obstacle to her success. It sounds like they were co-abusive (as opposed to co-dependent). It seems that everyone gets a really bad vibe from him, which was not at all a help when Nichole needed help from other folks.

She also talked about a desire for healthy and enjoyable relationships with her parents, and I hope I've helped her on that path. I saw the potential she and her mom had at Dragonfest; it's just a matter of good communication and support between the two of them, I think.

She said she hasn't been feeling spiritual, that she's been too busy dealing with reality. I think that the two shouldn't be separated, so I helped her find a metaphor in it all. Her goddess necklace had been stepped on -- the clasp was broken, and the pendant was bent so it wouldn't fit on the chain. Perhaps the goddess wasn't connecting with her, or she wasn't protecting the goddess within. Abused but still in tact, I helped unbend the pendant. The clasp is still broken and the goddess doesn't slide on the chain as easily as she used to, but she's on the path to recovery. And the lessons have been learned through experience and immediate awareness. We didn't have to turn into her surrogate parents.

Nichole and her mom both want to be part of the OFM I'm leading, so hopefully I'll get a chance to check in with them regularly. I'd like to do a ritual with Nichole to help her cope with some of the challenges and decisions facing her. It's been a rite of passage by fire, and she deserves a chance to reflect. I suppose this shows that I am a good RA, at least when my "residents" come to me. I'm lousy at proaction, but I'm able to help when help is asked for.