Pineapple Banana Nut Surprise Pie: A Recipie

1. Plan to make a curry quiche.
2. Realize you have a whole bunch of ripe bananas which should be consumed real soon now.
3. Search Google for banana nut pie.
4. Read several conflicting recipies.
5. Go to bed with plans to wake up early and make pie.
6. Listen to Honky Tonk Heroes when the alarm goes off for an hour and a quarter.
7. Get out of bed. Check email. Reread pie recipies left in Firefox tabs. Determine missing ingredients.
8. Go to King Soopers to buy frozen fold-out pie crust, a lemon (for its rind), and walnuts.
9. Discover that King Soopers only sells crusts with tinfoil dishes. Realize that a ginger snap crust would be tastier anyway.
10. Purchase two bags of ginger snaps, two lemons, a box of clementines (who can pass that up?), a pound of walnuts, 10 oz of pecans, a package of two pre-made pie crusts, and a bagel.
11. Drop car off for oil change.
12. Walk home through boring covenant controlled suburban neighborhood.
13. Reread pie recipies.
14. Preheat oven to 350°F.
15. Place half bag of ginger snaps in a Ziplock bag. Smash with a meat tenderizer or wooden mallet.
16. Remove clothes on account of oven heat and Colorado sun.
17. Notice that said smashing device creates small holes in Ziploc bags. Eat a ginger snap.
18. Pour ginger snap crumbs into mortar. Continue smashing process with a pestle. Pour crumbs into measuring cup.
19. Realize you're going to take a while and turn oven off.
20. One-by-one or two-by-two, place additional ginger snaps into mortar and smash with pestle. Compliment yourself for the self control to only eat one ginger snap.
21. Fetch solid block of brown sugar from cabinet.
22. Place mortar on carpeted floor and bang on sugar block for half an hour.
23. Pour sugar grains and clumps into another measuring cup.
24. Mix all ginger snaps, 3 Tbsp. brown sugar, several shakes cinnamon, and about 5 Tbsp. organic shortening sans trans fat.
25. Reheat oven to 350°F.
26. Line pie plate with ginger snap mixture. Place in oven with 10 minute timer.
27. Reread recipies. Realize you could've been marinating while pestling.
28. Drain one can of pineapple chunks into a medium bowl. Add 2 Tbsp. lemon juice.
29. Slice 2 bananas and place in bowl. Peel another banana.
30. Answer phone. Indicate who will attend event. Put mother on hold to stop oven beeping. Decide to bake crust for additional 5 minutes. Explain to mother that her ISP is blocking legitimate email from half of the Internet.
31. Slice 3 more bananas and marinate in bowl. Add essential oils to taste.
32. Remove pie crust from oven. Turn oven off.
33. Let bowl sit 30 minutes.
34. Check college football scores.
35. Set up test mail user to make sure plan for mother's email will work.
36. Cover crust in marinated banana slices.
37. Fill remaining juice with chopped walnuts. Marinate for 20 minutes.
38. Check college football scores.
39. Preheat oven to 400°F.
40. Set up .procmailrc for mother.
41. Cover banans with nuts.
42. Mix remaining juice with flower. Don't measure the flower, just pour some in. Stir. Add some more flour. Wonder if mix is thick enough.
43. Add remaining pestled sugar (about ¾ cup).
44. Add several shakes of cinnamon, ginger powder.
45. Ponder mixture thickness. Add 1 Tbsp shortening. Decide that won't help. Add more flour. Stir.
46. Decide mixture is probably thick enough.
47. Pour liquid over nuts and bananas, filling all the cracks.
48. Place pie in oven. Set timer for 20 minutes.
49. Edit /etc/mail/virtusertable and change mother's email direction.
50. Realize no lemond rind was used.
51. Decide that's just fine.
52. Send test message to mother.
53. Check maildir to ensure message arrived.
54. Decide that 150 is too many messages to have arrived in two minutes. Notice that most are bounces from mother's ISP. Realize that forwarding bounces from mother's ISP to mother's ISP leads to an ∞ loop when mother's ISP thinks forwarding server is a spam originater.
55. Adjust procmail rule to not forward mail from MAILER-DAEMON.
56. Check on pie.
57. Send instant messages to mollybzz.
58. Smell something burning. Check on pie.
59. Remove pie form oven on the grounds that it's spitting filling onto oven floor.
60. Check college football scores.
61. Place evidence in dishwasher. Wash counters and stove so tamheals will be impressed when arriving home.
62. Check on status of car's oil change.
63. Cover body in clothing.
64. Walk back through neighborhood. Pay for oil change. Drive home.
65. Grab backpack, pie, can of pineapple chunks. Head to car.
66. Notice pie filling is still slightly liquid. Carefully place pie on car floor.
67. Drive to Boulder.
68. Notice that pie filling seems even more liquid.
69. Place pie in mollybzz's oven at 400°F for 10 minutes.
70. Remove pie from oven. Notice filling is still liquid. Decide that not enough flour was used.
71. Carefully carry backpack, can of pineapple, hot pie plate, and mollybzz's backpack and ginger/rice/almond pie to car.
72. Trust mollybzz not to eat pie on drive to Liberty Grange.
73. Arrive early enough to help but late enough that the challenging work has already been done.
74. Place pie on table.
75. Greet old friends as they arrive.
76. Meet new people.
77. Join group in grace.
78. Take plate in search of fine specimens of pie.
79. Eat pie. Talk with family and friends. Eat more pie.
80. Grab last bits of popular pies. Go in search of more pie.
81. Observe that banana nut pineapple surprise pie isn't very popular. Possibly because the surprise is that it's half pie, half soup.
82. Eat 2 mch. pie.
83. Listen to musicians jam and trie to sing with pie filling lining vocal cords.
84. Move chairs and tables. Sweep floor. Turn out lights.
85. Return to mollybzz's house and post day to LiveJournal.

Get To Work!

Day 12 of 30 (three fifths) and I'm at 2226 words. What am I doing looking at the Internet?

Slacker.