WYSINWYG

[flwyd]

Remember in the mid-90s when the Public at Large was learning about The Internet? One of the stereotypes is that the Internet was mostly about people in chat rooms having cybersex with 19-year-old virgin cheerleaders who were actually either 15-year-old virgin nerdboys, 37-year-old virgin nerdboys, or 52-year-old creepy old men?

Last week, I was on the computer and tamheals was not at home. I logged into AIM, but left her logged in to other chat networks. A man she'd chatted with on OKCupid sent Tam a message and I decided to play along. I had not previously encountered this person, and I think he knew only vaguely of my existence. I present, for your edification, what transpired that evening. Names have been abbreviated to protect the guilty.

J (6:58:30 PM): i think okcupid is busted
T (6:59:22 PM): Also there are busty people on OKCupid.
J (6:59:33 PM): as you've proved
J (7:00:41 PM): what size are those anyway?
T (7:01:23 PM): Supersized.
T (7:01:27 PM): Would you like fries with that?
J (7:01:48 PM): yes please
J (7:05:13 PM): so you've been good this year?
T (7:06:31 PM): Depends. What happens if I've been naughty?
J (7:06:40 PM): a spanking naturally
T (7:07:34 PM): I've been fairly naughty.
J (7:07:46 PM): followed by that old english school punishment, a good dicking
J (7:09:32 PM): so what are you doing? anything naughty?
T (7:10:12 PM): I'll leave that to your imagination.
J (7:10:35 PM): so no then :)
T (7:11:59 PM): You just need a more active imagination.
J (7:12:22 PM): i have a great imagination. i'm just too tired...
J (7:13:28 PM): what are you wearing?
T (7:13:57 PM): You can't imagine that either?
J (7:14:47 PM): if i could imagine everything i wouldn't need to talk to you :O
J (7:16:22 PM): ok, i'll start. i'm wearing nothing and i'm stroking my cock
T (7:17:13 PM): Where's the imagination in that?
J (7:17:47 PM): ok, i'm eating your pussy and massaging your breasts with my big hands
J (7:18:06 PM): i lick slowly up your slit and suck and lick on your clit
J (7:18:31 PM): i stick my tounge inside you and fuck you with it :)
T (7:19:48 PM): So your imagination says I'm wearing your face, I see.
J (7:20:13 PM): now i want you to sit on my face while i play with those beautiful breasts and pull on your nipples
J (7:20:27 PM): i want you to grind your pussy into me and moan for it
J (7:22:02 PM): i put my fingers inside you and lick your clit
J (7:22:07 PM): god you're fucking wet
J (7:22:36 PM): i spank you a little and suck on your clit when you push it into my mouth
J (7:23:22 PM): hm, this is a little one-sided...
J (7:23:46 PM): :P
T (7:24:05 PM): A one-sided tongue?
T (7:24:26 PM): A möbius mouthpiece could play an interesting tune
T (7:24:52 PM): Twisting and turning and making her come soon
J (7:25:25 PM): are you playing with yourself? one straight answer :)
J (7:28:32 PM): guess not
J (7:36:17 PM): i have to say i'm fairly impressed you knew möbius had an umlaut. Unless you looked it up, of course...
T (7:36:41 PM): I know many things. I contain multitudes.
T (7:37:27 PM): I am the lizard queen. I can do anything.
J (7:37:31 PM): very well, what famous painter/mathematician incorporated a möbius strip into a portrait?
T (7:38:00 PM): We must not eschew Escher.
J (7:38:46 PM): very well, but you don't need to be exceedingly weird to prove a point. just take it down a level
T (7:39:40 PM): In Escherland, taking it down a level merely gives you a new view of the same situation.
J (7:39:59 PM): is that a GEB reference?
T (7:40:12 PM): No, just E.
T (7:40:58 PM): (Now that we've moved from clit licking to stair climbing, I should mention that Tam isn't home; this is Trevor.
J (7:41:11 PM): haha
J (7:41:16 PM): well played
T (7:41:38 PM): I don't know if you're interested in what I'm wearing anymore.
J (7:42:39 PM): i was starting to be impressed by what seemed to be a fairly well educated chick. fucker
T (7:43:07 PM): Women can't grok topology?
J (7:43:32 PM): can but usually don't my friend
T (7:43:55 PM): Perhaps you should come to a firmer understanding of asymptotes.
J (7:45:09 PM): Perhaps I've spent more than enough years under the mathematical cloth already
T (7:45:28 PM): Your cylinder has graduated?
J (7:46:42 PM): ok, what the fuck did you study in school? these references are a bit too varied and quick
T (7:47:02 PM): Computer science and philosophy.
J (7:47:20 PM): oh, figures
J (7:47:27 PM): dork :)
T (7:47:34 PM): According to Moore's law, the speed of my puns doubles every 24 months.
J (7:48:10 PM): yeah, but eventually the lines will get too close together to be funny
T (7:48:59 PM): It just becomes more challenging to read between them.
T (7:49:16 PM): Most men find lines close to each other to be rather enjoyable.
J (7:50:30 PM): too challenging evidentally. let me get out the photolithograph
J (7:52:52 PM): well, gotta run. if you ever need a programming job in dc, let me know
T (7:53:28 PM): What about Marvel?
J (7:53:37 PM): what about it
T (7:53:47 PM): Do you know of any openings there?
J (7:53:59 PM): let me check
J (7:54:00 PM): no
T (7:54:24 PM): Programming Spider Man seems more challenging than programming Superman.
T (7:54:40 PM): (If I remember my intellectual property correctly.)
J (7:55:07 PM): now i have no idea what you're talking about
T (7:55:49 PM): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvel_vs_DC
J (7:56:40 PM): i see
J (7:56:44 PM): no
J (7:57:28 PM): tell tam i said hi and, whatever else... :)
Yahoo (7:57:36 PM): J has logged off


Bonus pun: I met a girl at Möbius Strip Club, but she was one-dimensional.

Comments

[clarsa.livejournal.com]

Did you know that a dork is the correct technical name for a whale's penis?

And I got the GEB references. Although I don't know how to make a computer umlaut. I think I've made a few guys umlaut. Does that count?

Had to think a minute to get the dc/Marvel bit, though. I randomly non sequitured in the middle of your association.

[bryirfox.livejournal.com]

You know I didn't get the GEB reference but the Comic book one had me on the Floor.

I must be one demensional.

Sorry LJ Crashing.

[maiden-midwife.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

[bike4fish.livejournal.com]

Evil, evil.

Someone (whom you may have met at the drumming) had a nick on IRC (where I met him first) that many interpreted as being female. He would go along with those interested in cybering until they got to some part of anatomy where their asumption didn't match reality, at which point he would inform them of the discrepancy. It was especially hilarious if they were flirting in channel while conducting a private chat.

[tamheals.livejournal.com]

This still cracks me up. "I wanna lick your slit"

*tee hee*