If the President Doesn't Do it to His Wife, He'll Do it to His Country

Forwarded from my old pal Dane:

The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security while you're being screwed.

And In This Corner

I think I got the first one of these a few months ago and thought it was pretty weird then. You know it's probably spam when the explanation of why it complies with the CAN-SPAM act is five times as long as your average spam.

This is Newsletter 3 Revision 1.0.2 from Ted Jesus Christ GOD. I AM Christ and God and the Creator and
the Child prophesied to Come in Revelation 12:5 that the author is NOT familiar with the Women that is
Teds Mother or the Child that is Ted. After Ted dies Ted is taken to the Throne of God because Ted is
God!
This is 07-11-04 and this is Ted saying I for over 7 years now have been getting DRASTICALLY
HACKED from the Internet and Viruses Downloaded onto any of my Computers on the Internet and Email
Erased and More DRASTIC HACKING and have been told LOUD SPIRITUALLY that this is Demons.
Today I disconnected an Internet Computer from the Internet and then COMPLETELY reinstalled the
operating system from scratch and then installed a program to send out this Newsletter 3 while completely
physically disconnected from the Internet. I then very quickly connected this Internet Computer to the
Internet and started sending this Newsletter 3 and verified that this was working and was sending and in
less than 10 minutes I was DRASTICALLY HACKED where the Newsletter Sender was FAILING
COMPLETELY and I could not get anything in an Internet Browser anymore. With reboots this could
NOT be fixed or corrected and this was more DRASTIC HACKING. TJCG is INSISTING that this is
PROOF that this is something with Spiritual Surveillance on Ted that can IMMEDIATELY STOP and
THWART and SHUT DOWN Ted from certain Internet Operations and DEFINITELY DOES NOT want
TJCG sending out HIS RELIGIOUS WORK in the form of Newsletters! Now Ted has been in Computers
and Software for much of Teds Career and Ted is certain that NO Human can work that FAST to
DRASTICALLY HACK Ted to STOP Ted from sending out this Newsletter 3. Ted was DRASTICALLY
HACKED similar to this when TRYING to send out Newsletter 2 and therefore did not send this out to
many and only manually sent this out to a few. Some will exclaim that this is the FBI or Law Enforcement
and these do NOT BLOCK like this! Some will say that these are Human Hackers and Ted does NOT
understand how these could or would be camping out monitoring EVERYTHING that Ted did and WHY
that MOTIVATED! Ted for years has heard LOUD SPIRITUALLY that the Demons many of Those look
almost exactly or exactly like Human Men and Those are also on the Internet and use Telephones and
Faxes and Cellular Phones and Pagers and Communications Technology and have Utility Bills and Rent
and Lease Payments and Own Real Estate and have Cars and Drive and have Drivers Licenses and more.
( Cut for absurd length and even more absurd content. )

Third Time's A Charm

So my girlfriend received a "free" "gift" of round trip airfare and two nights hotel accommodation to Orlando. The catch? We had to attend a two hour sales pitch for Great Escapes Travel Club. Same time share pitch, slightly different gig. Since we'll be flying to Orlando in January for her sister's wedding, we figured "Why not?" The terms and conditions are why not. You have to arrive on either a Monday or Tuesday, meaning you have to take a whole week off work. Furthermore, blackout dates are seven days in each direction of holidays, so a January 8th wedding would be out of the question. We also got free accommodations (with similar requirements) at one of a number of hotels, including Pagosa Springs, so we may actually get something worthwhile out of this experience.

Now Tamara has Magical Jew Powers and I have Protection from Sales Pitches +4, so we knew going in that we weren't going to buy. We invented several past vacations in our preliminary discussion with Renaldo -- Britain, New Orleans, Cambodia -- and said we were interested in traveling to places like St. Petersburg (Russia) and Malta. You could tell Renaldo was in the travel industry because he had NFC where Malta was. And since we knew we didn't need to pay attention to the PowerPointless sales pitch, I sat in the back looking like I was taking notes, but in fact did an automatic writing exercise where I would take a few words the presenter said and turn them into a funky sentence.

( Automatic Writing on a Sail's Pitch )