From the Mind of Trevor Stone

Florid Spam

2024-01-12T07:48:25Z

This afternoon I received two email messages from gmail.com accounts which I suspect are some kind of phishing campaign. But while I'm used to seeing spam with a kind of "horny eastern European from a dating site" vibe, the language in these is remarkably florid and high brow. Perhaps using fancy phrasing like this is a ploy to avoid spam filters: it worked; both arrived atop my own gmail inbox.

From: Valeria Leonard <bransifritik4>
Subject: Zephyrs of Yearning. Embrace their whisper?

Hi, Trevor

I found your bio and noticed your appreciation for the simple delights of life. I have your zeal for gardening, reading, and wildlife well-being. Your compassion and hobbies align so closely with mine, and I‘d adore to connect, exchange stories, or potentially even give tips for designing a booming garden. How do you reckon?

Eager to connecting,
Valeria

A booming garden, you say? Perhaps it's exploding with color.

From: Jessy Morton <jameshbernardlucash>
Subject: Verifying a few items from our conversation.

Greetings, Trevor.
Tales envelop mine domain; I‘ve dug up those in my line of work and construct tales personally. Have you ever sensed connected to a narrative‘s resonance? Which part characterizes your essence?

I didn't connect to this narrative's resonance; it is poorly dressed word salad.

Update: I got another surreal email a few days later:

From: jessie Moon <ianschmittlinocr>
Subject: Looking into trending tech. Seen anything impressive?

Dear,
Trevor

Always, I‘ve forever felt that truly if we are to deeply understand the world, it‘s imperative to should envelop it via each of our sensory perception. Positioned as someone who designs journeys crafted for our inner being, I often indulge in the undeniable enchantment of things like aromas, feels, & also reverberating tones. Have you once been so immersed within an instant wherein moments felt to merely halt completely? What‘s could be the sensation that never fails to catapults you instantly to that time to an treasured time?
Eagerly anticipating for your insights.
Best,
jessie

Well, this sensation definitely failed to catapult me instantly to any other time.

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Spam: Precise counts of threats and insults

2020-12-03T04:04:54Z

I enjoyed the over-the-top absurdity of this spam message I received through my website. Unsurprisingly, the referenced Bitcoin address has never received a transaction.

Your reputation and business are at stake!

We on your behalf in the message your website address trevorstone.org and your contact information (including in social. Networks and messengers) will send:

+ on 15,897,318 sites, threats with insults to site owners, US residents, Europeans, LGBT and BLM.

+ 790,000 messages to bloggers with threats and insults

+ 2 367 896 public figures and politicians (from the USA and Europe) with threats and insults

+ 70,000 negative reviews about you and your website trevorstone.org

+ 23 467 849 contact forms of sites with threats and insults

+ 150,000 emails messages to people with disabilities with threats and insults, many of them will definitely sue you

+ 57000 emails of messages to veterans with threats and insults, FOR THIS YOU WILL BE EXACTLY SITTED

Following from all of the above, you will get a lot of losses:

+ an abuse from spam house, amazon and many webmasters (for spam, insults and threats) will come to your site trevorstone.org, as a result, your domain will be banned and blacklisted

+ people will sue you because you threatened and humiliated them

+ in court you will not prove anything, everything will look as if you did it all, MOST YOU WILL GO TO PRISON

+ internet will be inundated with negative reviews about you and your website trevorstone.org

+ threats and reprisals from BLM and LGBT community members, in fact, these are dangerous community guys

Total: you will lose your business, all your money, you will spend on lawyers and compensation for court decisions, you will go to jail, your life will turn to hell ...

We already have everything ready to launch all of the above, but we decided to give you a chance to avoid all this, you can buy off a small amount of money.

Make a payment, transfer 0.39 Bitcoins to this address

1JDYfBMP3vg8TcuFuwSHc1Wop3rREqupC4

We are waiting for the transfer from you until November 27, on Saturday November 28, if payment does not come from you, we will begin to destroy your business and you along with it.

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Exporting American Traditions of Consumerism

2020-11-28T18:22:06Z

Having the GMail address trevorstone@, I get a lot of email destined for other people around the world named Trevor Stone. This misdirected mail can be anything from invoices from contractors to airline ticket confirmations to Uber Eats receipts to messages from family members. But most of it is marketing mail from websites, and most of them seem to be meant for a Trevor Stone from England who is particularly bad at putting typing his correct address.

I noticed an email for this United Kingdom version of Trevor Stone which illustrates an interesting pattern: the internationalization of the consumerism parts of Thanksgiving weekend, even though the "Spend Thursday feasting and visiting with your family" part seems to remain an American-only tradition.

Date: Thursday 26 Nov 2020 15:38:28 +0000
From: Millwall FC
Subject: An early Black Friday offer has been spotted!

Enjoy an early Black Friday offer - get free postage and packaging (UK ONLY) when you spend £60 or more, using the code below...

This UK-only Black Friday special has an extra dose of irony because the Millwall FC's mascot is The Lions, but they're not the Lions football team most associated with Thanksgiving football.

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Direct Marketing Fail

2018-04-06T05:52:44Z

Today I received a glossy mailing from a real estate agent addressed to the folks who sold us their house a month ago. The flyer starts "Selling a home in East Boulder requires extensive local knowledge, a great marketing plan, and superior negotiation skills." It then lists several houses currently for sale or under contract. Finally it lists five recently sold houses… including the one we just bought.

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