Sanguine Pun

2023-09-12T06:48:10Z

I've proofread the phlebotomy report. It's typo negative.

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Hi Terrible, I'm Dad

2023-04-30T04:57:36Z

Why are dad jokes so terrible?

Because they're told by a groan-up!

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Recent Tweets of Note

2017-03-21T06:40:15Z

I've been using Twitter a lot more lately. Here are some clever things I've said that are worth repeating. I also set up a perl6 script to post a #quotefile quip every day.

A smile is a hammock for your face
I tried to order an extra large T-shirt from Rome. I received forty shirts.
Bitcoin is a commodity whose foundation is the artificial scarcity of numbers.
When realdonaldtrump said he'd drain the swamp he didn't tell us that the effluent would flow into the Potomac and then into Chesapeake Bay (re: this story)
Chuck Berry transported listeners to a simpler world where we pursued our crushes, drove fast cars, and the week ended with a rockin' dance.
Imma let you finish ncaa, but the March Hare and Mad Hatter are the best #MarchMadness team of all time. #DownTheBasketHole
The 2010s surge in white nationalism is in large part a reaction to a century of white internationalism.
Hypothesis: Trump thinks girls have cooties. (re: not shaking Angela Merkel's hand)
Odd that we live in a culture that stigmatizes seeing a psychologist but not seeing a pastor. They do similar work with different specialities.
If your house is too big of a landslide risk you can in theory get a new house. If you have a chronic disease you can't move to a new body. (re: America's model of health insurance)
Sets to the left of me, sets to the right / Here I am, stuck in the middle with ∪ / #MathHumor
alice@rabbithole> cd wonderland
alice@rabbithole> ls DRINKME EATME README alice@rabbithole >
When you gaze into the void, the social media ranking algorithm answers back.
The tyranny of Daylight Saving Time is not that you lose an hour of sleep or an hour of sun. It's that you let a clock decide when you act.
More people lived in Kentucky in 2010 than lived in the US in 1790. Constitutional suspicion of federal power should apply to state gov't too.
I'm more confused reading #Perl6 docs as an experienced programmer than Learning Perl as a novice: "Why'd you make the sausage that way?"
Don't defend the status quo. Describe a better system and work to make it happen. Legislators gonna legislate–ensure they enact your vision.
Regardless of the benefits of "like a business" governing, Trump's management style isn't fit for leading a country.
None of us are as strong as all of us are.
Best part so far of a two-week liquid+purée diet? Eating a bowl full of mayonnaise. #TastyRecovery (later that day, my stomach regretted that decision)
A good approach to cleaning up public discourse on the Internet: you must listen before you speak. (re: a Norwegian news website's new policy)
There are no high-paying jobs at family ethnic restaurants, but it's a crucial role played by immigrants. #JointAddress (re: proposed immigration policies that focus on high-paying tech jobs)
For every war we start, we must end two more.
The best way to stop drugs from coming into America is to grow marijuana in the U.S. #JointAddress
Key change in gay marriage support was folks knowing more gay people. Let's create opportunities for Americans to meet ordinary scientists.
Biologists are pro-birth, pro-life, and pro-death.
Framing: refugees and immigrants are freedom seekers. They're willing to give up even home and family ties to pursue American values.
Freedom isn't free. It's made possible by hard work and generous support from taxpayers like you.
Hapless Hank wanted to be the "go to programmer", but instead became the goto programmer.
Don't want to be subject to any government? 2000+ sqkm between Egypt and Sudan are claimed by neither.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bir_Tawil
Honk if you fly south for the winter.
“I'm not racist, I have black friends!” “This bill isn't homophobic, several closeted legislators voted for it!”
I don't declare war on xenophobia. I declare peace. May it rest there.
It's a travesty that America will have to navigate the era of alternate facts without George Carlin
You can't keep evil out of a country; it doesn't travel on a plane. Evil casts its spores through ideas, sown in a heart fertilized by hate.
Don't just make art. Be art.
Humans are my ingroup.
Obama sought dissenting opinions and input from experts. Trump surrounds himself with like-minded people and thinks he knows everything.
Hey potus, while you're making it harder to hire foreign workers, please invest in US education system so there are good Americans to hire.
Halal food in NYC doesn't come in meal deals. It's Allah carte.
If I told you that you tested positive for antibodies, would you hold them against me?
Flotsam and jetsam are the mass noun equivalents of odds and ends.
Pancakes crêpe me out.
Just to keep things surreal realdonaldtrump should nominate Hillary Clinton for Secretary of State. She's got experience and is unemployed.
Strange times when a populace, concerned about decades of job loss, votes in a president whose catchphrase was “You‘re fired”
Folks advocating for unfaithful electors in next month's electoral college have moved past shock, denial, and anger and are on to bargaining
Two generations ago, GOP was the party of education, business, & taking blacks for granted; Dems the party of labor & southern xenophobia.
2020 campaign promise: free electoral college tuition for all Americans
To tap into the wisdom of the crowd, maybe pollsters should ask respondents who they think will win their state and the electoral college.
Next time can we choose the greater of two goods?
To pay a parking ticket, I have to click "Add to Basket" as if I went to the Municipal Justice Store and browsed around for a nice citation.
Maybe Republicans would get serious about #climatechange if we called it "Recapitalizing snow and ice banks."
"Wake of the Flood" was the tidal track of the Grateful Dead's 1973 album. #pun
Atlas Hugged, in which John Galt attends Burning Man.
What do you call a really cute cephalopod? Squeed!
I know I'm not going to eat half the food I bring to burningman. I just wish I knew which half.
I'm into second-order psychedelics. I don't take drugs myself, but I thoroughly enjoy consuming the output of those who do.
When God closes a door He goes to the window, opens it, sticks His head out & yells “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take this anymore!”
Thank you Mario, but the princess is the protagonist in her own feature film!
Mallard abduckted. Fowl play suspected. #terrible #pun

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From the Mind of Trevor Stone

Sanguine Pun

Hi Terrible, I'm Dad

Recent Tweets of Note